Beach Blanket Boot Camp

Koh Samui - December 27th-January4th

The airport in Koh Samui is fantastic - the buildings are nothing more than an assortment of bamboo huts surrounded by palm trees, and your baggage is sent along what I suspect to be a monkey-operated conveyer belt. Live music is played for the passengers who sunbathe and drink their coconut juices while waiting for their shuttle busses, and a variety of free snacks and beverages are spread out for you to have, so who was I to complain when my flight back to Bangkok was delayed by an hour?

The 8 final days of my vacation were spent fasting, cleansing, and herbal detoxing, which consisted of the following acivities:

6:00 - 4 km Walk
7:30 - Ration of Carrot Juice, Two Coal, Dirt and Grass-flavoured liquids which are black and green in colour
8:00 - Nurse Check-up
9:00 - Meditation
10:00 - Yoga
11:30 - Ration of Watermelon Juice, Black Liquid
12:30 - Thai Massage
1:30 - Free time (which for me included long naps in the hammock, sunbathing, or swimming), and the Black Liquid
4:00 - Muscle Toning and Strengthening
5:00 - Workshop
6:00 - Dinner - consisted of veggie broth and chilli powder
7:00 - Herbal Steam Bath, Reading, More Black Liquid, Watching videos from the non-violent dvd library collection


Okay, so I know it sounds like a boot camp, but it was totally relaxing and I felt absolutely fantastic! Plus, the resort has a private beach, so I was never approached by any beach vendors with their display cases of nice but trashy tourist items saying, "You wan buy? I make special pri fo you!"

On a side note, I never thought that I would be the type of girl who would enjoy long walks on the beach - perhaps I should update my profile on Lavalife?



Highlights: 1) A hammock on the beach and a good book, 2) The herbal steam bath, which smelled suspiciously like Thai food, 3) Two words: Thai and Massage, and 4) The sunset over the ocean on my last night.

The Life Aquatic

Phuket - December 21st-26th

Son of a bitch, I'm sick of these dolphins...

My limit for street vendors in tourist trap areas was exceeded by the time I reached Phuket. Thankfully, I stayed at the Phuket equivalent of Shanti Lodge which was located far, far away from Von Dutch and Billabong knockoff hotpants.

But it wasn`t the packed beaches, bars and restaurants that attracted me. I had one goal while I was in Phuket - to Scuba Dive.

I signed up immediately for my Open Water Diving Course with the Phuket Scuba Club. I was really lucky to have a fantastic instructor all to myself for the 4 days it took to get my certification.

Supposedly Cousteau and his cronies invented the idea of putting walkie-talkies into the helmet. But we made ours with a special rabbit ear on the top so we could pipe in some music.

I've never seen so many electric jellyfish in all my life!

I officially love scuba diving. I couldn`t belive the sealife that we came across - clown fish, lion fish, a school of barracuda, sting rays, octopus - all of the dives were AWESOME! Except, of course, for the jellyfish stings off Kata Beach.

Oh, shit! Swamp leeches. Everybody, check for swamp leeches, and pull them off... Nobody else got hit? I'm the only one? What's the deal?

I received my certification on Christmas Eve when we took a trip to Ratcha Yai for the day. I also received the worst sunburn of my life and severe ear blockage from not being able to equalize properly. Meh, it`s all good!

Merci, Cedric. Remind me, we'll send him a red cap and a Speedo.

I had such an amazing time with the crew at Phuket Scuba Club (I loves `ya Vicki!), and the guests at Shanti Lodge - it wouldn`t have been Christmas without them!

I spent Christmas Day by the pool, shopping, and eating a gorgeous meal prepared by Kim, the proprietor of Shanti Lodge. That night we went out for a proper night in Patong, where I drank a few Changs and had a lapdance from a Thai prostitute. I didn`t buy it, my friend from the Scuba Club did, I swear!! Then we saw a bunch of ladyboys dancing away and we got to take some seriously scandalous photos that will not be shown on this site!!

Highlights: 1) The best sleep I`ve had in weeks, 2) The school of barracuda that followed Vicki and I at Ratcha Yai, 3) The coolest and at the same time most disgusting sea life I have ever seen - sea cucumbers, snakes and octopus (octopi?) are really gross, and 4) Christmas with a sunburn.

Trains, Elephants and Bamboo Rafts

Chiang Mai - December 13th-20th

Train to Chang Mai:

Could this train be any longer?
I was yelled at by the train dude whose sole responsibility is blanket and pillow replacement, then I was stuck with a psycho, whom I have since referred to as "The Klaus". Jumping doesn`t seem so bad at this point.

Thai Cooking Course:

Did I mention that I love Thai food? Well now I can cook it too! Favourite Dishes include Green Curry with Chicken, Red Curry with Fish, and Glass Noodle Soup with Pork. A RAAWY!! (Holy Freaking Delicious!! in Thai)

3-day Trek:

Although I enjoy hiking, this trip was a little intense! 8 km uphill on Day 1, 14 km uphill and downhill on Day 2, and 10 km downhill on Day 3.

We stayed overnight at a hilltribe village which has no electricity except for a recently installed solar panel that powers one television set where Thai Boxing matches are shown on a daily basis.

The last day was spent swimming at a waterfall, elephant riding, white water rafting and bamboo rafting. My favourite was the white water rafting because we had a waterfight against the other boats and got completely soaked. Kinda sorta like my 10th grade camping trip in Algonquin Park. 6-pack!!

After taking a day off to relax and partake in another yoga class, I did some touring on my cherry red bicycle (biiiiiiiclye...BIIIIIICYLE!!! Any Queen fans in the house?), shopping at the Chang Mai Night Bazzar and enjoying frequent meals at Aum Vegetarian Restaurant.

Highlights: 1) Peanut, my rental elephant. 2) Red Lightnin`, my rental bicyle, 3) The plethora of used book stores in the city 4) Sampon the Thai Master Chef, and 5) The Aum Veggie Goddess.

Three Nights in Bangkok!

Bangkok - December 10th-13th

As I walked out of Bangkok International, the first thought that struck me was "Damn, Bangkok is farking HOT!! What was I thinking when I packed my socks and jammies when it is clearly apparent that I will be wearing nothing at all for the next 3 weeks??"

I Heart Shanti Lodge. How I will miss my morning feast of Paradise Porridge and Mangoes. This place was fabulous for only 300 Baht a night! I didn`t even mind the cold outdoor shower - in 34 degree heat, I actually looked forward to battling a gecko for a place in the stall. I had THE BEST Thai Massage from this 155 cm, 70 year-old lady - the only English she spoke was "Hello." Needless to say, we had some good talks over some Red Bull and Vodka afterwards.

I was the quintessential tourist - River Taxis, Shady Mo-Fo Tuk-Tuks, The Grand Palace and Wat Karew, Wat Pho, Wat Arun, The Floating Market, The Amulet Market, Chatuchak I could spend all my money here Market, Siam Square, and the notorious Khao San Road. I`m so glad I didn`t stay on this particular tourist infested road, although it did deserve a walk through on the way to dinner with the finest Australian I have yet to meet. YUM!

I also took a meditation course at Wat Mehatat and yoga classes at Yoga Elements - if I only had a few more days, I would have taken the Thai Massage Course offered by Wat Pho

Highlights: 1) Mai Kaidee`s Vegetarian Deliciousness, 2) Sweaty Yoga Classes, and 3)Anywhere easily accessed by the River Taxis - see you in hell Tuk-Tuks!!